


Hook, Line, and Sinker

by Infidele



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Catfish AU, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Slow Burn, anime nerds, coffee shop au if you squint, its pretty silly for the most part, kun is a lonely old man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 15:34:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15122486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infidele/pseuds/Infidele
Summary: “Hi, I’m Jungwoo and I’ve been catfishing you as Kun while you’ve been catfishing him as me for the past few weeks. It’s nice to meet you,” Junwoo smiled offering his hand to the taller boy.“What the fuck is happening?” Yukhei looked like he was having a mental breakdown and it was still hot.





	Hook, Line, and Sinker

**Author's Note:**

> Please take the warning for this fic seriously. This fic doesn't include any sexually explicit content, but there are certain descriptions that might be graphic or triggering for some people. I apologize in advance.

Jungwoo peered over Kun’s shoulder during a lull in the service. He was busying himself on some dating app filled with pictures of posing boys.

“What’s that?” he asked quietly. Kun almost threw his phone over the counter in surprise.

“Oh my gosh, don’t fucking scare me like that!” Kun said after a moment of catching his breath. “I’m single, lonely and apparently I have no game with the customers so I have to take matters into my own hands,” he pouted.

Jungwoo gently patted down the tangled mass of Kun’s bedhead. The morning shift was tough on the med student. “Is this about that cute boy who rejected you last week?”

“What?! N-no I’d been meaning to--uh--trying out this app fo a while now,” Kun blubbered but Jungwoo knew. They had spent too much time behind this counter together for Jungwoo to fall for Kun’s white lies.

“He only turned you down because you’re old. It’s good you are going for more your age range now,” Jungwoo commented, remembering a few of the numbers beneath the profiles Kun had been scrolling through.

“You are only two years younger than me and he turned me down because he was already taken, thank you very much,” Kun scoffed. “I could get any guy I wanted, it’s just the ones I do want are either taken or straight.” Kun abruptly stood up to greet the customers who walked into the cafe. Jungwoo just smiled.

 

 

“Hey Jungwoo?” Kun called, walking in through the back door while attempting to tie a green apron around his waist with one hand. Jungwoo hummed in response, already starting to bring the little coffee shop to life before they opened. “Did you have a tinder account?”

“Not that I know of. Why?”

He turned to a phone shoved in his face, “Then what is this?”

“Well that’s a picture of me I posted on Insta about a month ago? Not one of my best but still cute.” Jungwoo could see Kun mentally face-palming as he shoved the screen closer. Jungwoo didn’t mention that that made it only harder to see what exactly Kun was trying to point out.

“No, dumbass. It’s on someone’s tinder profile. Like four pictures of you are,” he said scrolling through them to prove it.

“Those are definitely pictures of me, but you don’t need to put them so close.” Jungwoo kindly pushed the phone away from his face.

“I don’t understand this though. Why is someone using your pictures on tinder?” Jungwoo could think of a few reasons. Most of them were also reasons why he had so many followers on Insta too. “Here, read this.”

Jungwoo took the phone from his co-worker to look over the tinder profile. The person had picked several of his older pictures, back when his hair was black, and went by Lucas, age 21 and only 10 miles away. The bio was something generic and not really Kun’s type from what Jungwoo could read. It made a few jokes that Kun would probably laugh hysterically over but was way too “dtf”. One of the more toned down lines included “I’m the good thing small packages come in” which Jungwoo didn’t really get but knew was an innuendo.

“Well this is definitely not me,” Jungwoo explained.

“I noticed. Why would someone be catfishing as you though?” Kun asked.

“Well let’s find out!” Jungwoo swiped the screen to the right and low and behold a little message popped up declaring they were a match.

“What did you just do!” Kun shrieked. “Undo that! Undo it right now!”

“Why?” Jungwoo didn’t know how to anyways.

“You’re not even my type!” Kun scrambled to grab his phone half sobbing over becoming a new catfish victim. Jungwoo knew that he wasn’t Kun’s type, but it hurt to hear him say it. It’s not like Kun was his type either, but it still hurt.

“Well shouldn’t we find out who is catfishing as me anyways?” After some gentle coaxing Jungwoo got Kun to pick himself up off of the floor before the store opened. He also convinced him to let him message the mysterious Lucas while they were at work if only to find clues to the strange person catfishing as him on the internet.

It was a strange scenario when Jungwoo thought about it. Jungwoo was catfishing this Lucas as Kun to discover why he was catfishing Kun as Jungwoo. Nonetheless everytime Kun’s phone rang with a little notification that Lucas had sent another message Jungwoo felt a surge of adrenaline as if he was doing something illicit. He had never done something like this before so it was very thrilling and he became more invested in discovering Lucas’ identity with every conversation.

Jungwoo would try to catch Lucas in his scheme by asking him to send selfies and such but apparently he had posted too many on instagram since this guy had a plethora to post in their chat. Sometimes Lucas would ask for photos too, so Jungwoo would coerce Kun into taking pictures at work claiming that it would help him take better photos to capture more guys’ hearts in the future.

Almost two weeks passed and Kun was still lamenting his inability to land a real date while Jungwoo was as invested as ever in his online conversations with Lucas.

“Guess what!” Jungwoo beamed.

“I’m still lonely and miserable and I’m never going to get a boyfriend?”

“That’s true but guess again!”

“You’re insufferable and I don’t know why we are friends?” Kun offered.

“I convinced Lucas to go on a date with you!” Jungwoo squealed and jumped around behind the counter a bit after revealing the news. He could hardly contain himself; he felt like a real con and the new sensation was overwhelming.

“Whoop-de-doo,” Kun groaned.

“This involves you too you know,” Jungwoo pouted. “I’m catfishing him as you, so you have to come along too.”

“Sorry, no-can-do. I’m busy going on dates with the imaginary boys who are into me from now on until eternity. Try me again next week.”

“I’ll set you up on a daaaateeeee~” Jungwoo sang. Kun turned his head, trying not to appear as interested as Jungwoo knew he was. “There’s a cute boy who TA’s my chemistry class and is totally your type. He’s single and I could definitely convince him to help me figure out who Lucas is so you guys can meet.”

“What if I don’t want to,” Kun huffed. It was half-hearted and Jungwoo only needed to push a little more to get him to topple over.

“His favorite anime is Your Lie in April.” Probably.

“I’m in. Time? Place?” Jungwoo grinned. Anyone who spent more than 30 minutes with Kun should know that he had been in love with Kousei Arima for a solid 3 years. It was just basic knowledge. Jungwoo felt like it was a personal accomplishment though, knowing Kun better than whoever was trying to catfish him. He hadn't talked about anime with Lucas once and it made Jungwoo kinda sad.

They worked out the details of their plan for the day of during the rest of their shift. If everything went smoothly, Lucas’ identity would be outed and Kun would have himself a new love interest.

 

 

It was a wet and cold day. Jungwoo shivered the entire way to the cafe while running underneath his jacket because his old umbrella had the same effect as dumping buckets of water onto his head.

He stepped into the warm building with a smile on his face despite being there to work an odd shift. Today was the day. Today he was going to catch himself a catfish.

Jungwoo just brought out a fresh tray of macaroons when Taeil came through the doors. He smiled and waved at his TA who looked a bit nervous (although he concealed it well).

“I’m glad you could make it! Don’t worry, it’s on me today,” Jungwoo winked.

“Thanks for doing this for me. I can’t remember the last time I went on a date with someone.”

“That’s sad,” Jungwoo said. “I promise this will be fun though. You’re going to love Kun.” Taeil smiled and Jungwoo pointed him towards a little table in the back. He had a good view from behind the counter of what would go down even while he was working up front, and the corner was a perfect atmosphere for a nice first date.

Taeil sat there reading one of the magazines and sipping at a cup of chai while Jungwoo served customers and waited for Kun and the mysterious Lucas to arrive. Taeil had been a good ten minutes early, but it was already five past their meeting time and Jungwoo was starting to get a bit antsy. He decided to call Kun just in case.

After 3 rings Kun picked up. “Hey, is everything alright?”

“Not really. My dumb roommate has brought it upon himself to come along with me and I can’t get him to not go.”

“Oh, that’s fine. Just make sure you come quick, I don’t want Taeil to be disappointed if you don’t show.”

“I’m on my way. It’s just having my roommate around--Hey! Stop that or I will fucking crash this car! Sorry. Having my roommate around is going to complicate things.”

“It’s alright. I can keep him occupied while you and Taeil are on your date,” Jungwoo offered.

“He is really fucking straight though,” Kun warned.

“It’s fine. I can handle a challenge. Maybe a coloring book will work? Straight people like to color right?”

Kun laughed, “You’re asking the wrong person. I’ll be there in like, 5 minutes. Tell Taeil I’m sorry but I can’t wait to meet him still.” Jungwoo agreed and ended the call, rushing to tell the seated Taeil about what was happening. Naturally, he was in on the plot to expose the person catfishing Kun, but Jungwoo still hoped the two could have a good time on their own date.

True to his word Kun arrived five minutes later panting as if he had just been chased by a bear. The bear arrived shortly after. Kun came to the counter, trying to tell Jungwoo something but he couldn’t understand with all of Kun’s heavy breathing.

“Take a moment to catch your breath,” Jungwoo said, supporting Kun’s arm.

“I tried my best to lose Yukhei but he is obstinate. Please, please don’t let him ruin this for me,” Kun begged. Jungwoo nodded; of course he would help his friend in need.

With a breath of thanks Kun waved the tall boy who had barreled in behind him up to the counter. “Yukhei this is my coworker Jungwoo, Jungwoo this it my roommate Yukhei.”

Yukhei was tall and lean. His hair was dyed a light brown, slightly darker than Jungwoo’s own, and parted to reveal a charming face. His dark eyes sparkled with a mischievous glint and his high cheekbones made his face seem as if it was always smiling. Perfect, full lips that Jungwoo could only imagine what it was like to kiss, were pursed along with raised eyebrows to give Yukhei’s handsome face a puzzled expression.

“Nice to meet you,” Jungwoo managed. He wished away all of his thoughts by remembering that Yukhei was quite the heterosexual. It didn’t make it that much easier: eye-candy is fucking delicious no matter the flavor. “Taeil is over there waiting for you. Bring him this as an apology,” Jungwoo passed Kun a pastry that had just been made.

“Thanks. I owe you one.”

“Wait you actually have a date?” Yukhei exclaimed. Kun shushed him as the entire shop turned to look at the bellowing boy. Jungwoo giggled since it was kind of cute.

“Yes, now go away. Jungwoo can babysit you.”

“But you were supposed to be going on a date with me!” Jungwoo’s eyes widened and Kun turned around slowly.

“Excuse me?!”

“I’m Lucas! I’ve been catfishing you ever since you got tinder because I thought it’d be funny. Sicheng and I have been having a blast reading all your messages.”

Kun looked absolutely horrified at what Yukhei had just said. Jungwoo was bouncing with excitement. “I knew it!” he laughed. He actually hadn’t had a clue as to who Lucas was, but he felt like he had accomplished something anyways.

“First of all, fuck you. Second, I knew from the start I was being catfished you piece of shit. Third, fuck you. Fourth, fuck off I’m on a real date. Fifth, Fuck. You. Get lost.” Kun turned with a flip of his hair and stormed over to where Taeil was seated. He introduced himself with a flurry of apologies to the grinning Taeil while Yukhei stood in place, dumbfounded.

“Hi, I’m Jungwoo and I’ve been catfishing you as Kun while you’ve been catfishing him as me for the past few weeks. It’s nice to meet you,” Junwoo smiled offering his hand to the taller boy.

“What the fuck is happening?” Yukhei looked like he was having a mental breakdown and it was still hot.

“Why don’t we sit down and talk it out. Dongyoung, you can handle this right?” Jungwoo got a thumbs up from his co-worker and made his way from behind the counter to guiding Yukhei to an empty table to sit down.

“I don’t understand. I’m the one who was catfished?”

“Yes, and you’re quite the catch,” Jungwoo cooed. A few soft words and 13 pastries later Lucas, or rather Yukhei, was in a more suitable state for conversing. “I must say I didn’t expect a catfisher to be this handsome.”

“I don’t actually catfish people, just Kun. He’s like my older brother; I can’t let go of an opportunity to tease him, you feel?”

“You sent some pretty weird messages to someone you think of as your older brother then.” Lucas flushed a beet red, knowing the exact conversation Jungwoo was referencing. Jungwoo wondered if Lucas was more embarrassed about those messages being intended for Kun or Jungwoo being the one who actually received them.

“I-I mean, he isn’t my actual brother, so that’s not as weird. It’s not like I started it anyways.” Touché. Jungwoo had definitely sent the first messages that spiraled into some kind of weird pseudo-sexting thing. He couldn’t take the thought of fucking himself seriously enough to get into it, but Yukhei looked a little too flustered to have felt the same.

“Understandable. Can I ask why you chose to catfish him as me?”

“I’ve followed your Insta for a while, and you have so many photos of yourself it made it pretty easy.”

“Oh, really?” Jungwoo whipped out his phone to find Yukhei’s account. Sure enough, under his list of followers there was an account that fit Jungwoo’s understanding of Yukhei. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’m totally going to stalk you tonight.”

Yukhei shook his head, “Go for it, maybe I’ll get more followers.”

Jungwoo looked up to catch Yukhei’s gaze with a smile, “You’re too cute.” Yukhei kinda stared blankly at Jungwoo for a moment, mouth soundlessly opening and closing as if he were a fish. A cute fish though. Yukhei eventually managed to mutter a word of gratitude which only brightened the sparkle in Jungwoo’s eyes.

“You know, Kun and I thought it was pretty funny that you chose to catfish him as me though. I couldn’t be less of his type if I was a girl.”

“Really? I thought Kun would totally have a thing for someone like you.”

“I’m flattered, but when we first started working together it was very clear neither of us could be anything more than friends. Although, you weren’t doing a great job of pretending to be me, so if he hadn’t known who I was beforehand it might have worked.”

“I couldn’t tell you weren’t Kun at all. Like, maybe a little if I think about it, but dude I was just cackling to myself at every single message like ‘Holy shit! I can’t believe what Kun is saying’ and then it just, poof! Blew my mind when you guys were all, ‘lol you just got catfished my dude’. So fucking crazy.” With all of the gesticulation Jungwoo felt like every sentence from Yukhei’s mouth was a rollercoaster. He talked exactly like the guys that Jungwoo used to crush on in high school who were so painfully trying to express they were straight. Jungwoo sucked face with at least two of them, but it was still disconcerting.

Jungwoo wasn’t sure if he wanted to go for Yukhei. The boy was a solid New Year’s Eve on the calendar year and Jungwoo had bagged far worse before, but he was still hesitant. Jungwoo didn’t sleep around and he didn’t want to be the victim of an emotionally abusive relationship while Yukhei figured out he wasn’t actually straight.

And Jungwoo could tell Yukhei was not straight. Yukhei had all the typical fuckboy characteristics, which was why Kun had assumed the kid was straighter than a ruler, but no fully straight guy ever got that flustered in Jungwoo’s presence. He liked to think he had an eye for these things.

Yukhei jumped a little every time their hands brushed against one another (Jungwoo wasn’t exactly trying to avoid it). A little pink dusted Yukhei’s cheeks and he could only hold Jungwoo’s gaze for a second before looking away. The man had a lot of confidence. His simple movements and mannerisms gave that away, but even his smooth--albeit strange--way of talking faltered as Jungwoo flashed an innocent smile in his direction (okay maybe not that innocent but who’s checking).

“Yukhei, are you into roleplay?”

Choking on a sip of his coffee Yukhei shot Jungwoo a bewildered look. “What the fuck?”

“Oh, sorry. I guess I was wrong then.” Jungwoo thought he had pinned Yukhei for the type that was into roleplay due to his catfishing. Additionally Jungwoo thought he secretly had a fursuit in the back of his closet but he probably wouldn’t ask that question given the first response.

Yuhei mumbled something that Jungwoo couldn’t fit to coherent words in his head. “Come again?”

The boy straightened himself with resolve. “I’m not opposed, but I’ve never really done anything like that before,” he spoke calmly. Jungwoo blinked. Then he blinked again. Did this boy really just say that? Jungwoo couldn’t hold back his laughter, though he tried his best to cover it. “What’s wrong? Am I missing something?”

“No! Not at all! I just completely misjudged you I’m sorry,” he finally managed to say. Jungwoo found it hard to look at Yukhei without having another fit of laughter. This boy could have rolled in a pile of shit and still had the entire city lining up to fuck him yet he had the audacity to claim he had never tried something as vanilla as roleplay before.

It surprised Jungwoo, yet thinking about it, it made sense. Yukhei probably was one of those typical fuck boys who was pretty enough that he never tried during sex because he felt like his partner was lucky he even agreed to have sex with them. Jungwoo knew enough of those to have had his fill.

Yukhei wasn’t someone who fucked anyone and everyone anyway he pleased, leaving trails of broken hearts and empty beds behind him like Jungwoo had originally thought. Yukhei was probably still an overconfident douchebag, but he didn’t take advantage of his partners, forcing them to bend and comply to whatever he wanted to try with a striking smile.

Jungwoo was getting an itch to leave.

It was as if Yukhei could sense that the atmosphere between them had suddenly become uncomfortable as well. He wrung his large hands together in front of him, staring down at the floor.

“Why, what kind of person did you think I was?” Jungwoo couldn’t help the smile that crept to his face. Yukhei was too sly. Or maybe just too dense, but either way Jungwoo couldn’t help the entire theme park parading through his stomach.

“Someone I used to know.”

 

 

The rain didn’t let up for a week. Then there were a few clear days, but the rain came back just as heavy as ever. Jungwoo stumbled into the cafe, soaked to the bone to start his shift with Kun.

“You still haven’t bought an umbrella yet?”

Jungwoo grabbed a towel to dry himself enough to not leave puddles all over the floor. “I think the wet hair look suits me.”

“Not as good as--”

“Taeil, I know.” Jungwoo kinda regretted setting them up because now all Kun ever talked about was the short TA. It was worse than listening to him list off the qualities of anime boys for hours. He didn’t want to admit it, but he missed stealing Kun’s phone to catfish Yukhei. At least that was entertaining.

“Did you respond to that guy who left you his number yesterday?” Kun asked.

“I’m not really doing that anymore. Trying to rebuild my image, you know.” Jungwoo worked in a coffee shop, not a night club, for a reason.

“Too bad, he was cute.”

They chatted mindlessly about trivial things between customers until the end of their shift. After they clocked out, replaced by Doyoung and a sweet kid named Jeno who had a smile that lit up the whole room, Kun stopped Jungwoo before they could head their separate ways.

“Hey, did you want to come by my place tonight? We are gonna have a movie night with a bunch of friends.”

“What movie?”

“Your Name.”

“There is a movie called Jungwoo?” Kun chuckled at Jungwoo’s ignorance.

“No, it's an anime movie. Kimi no na wa, or Your Name.”

“Oh! Didn't that just come out?” If Jungwoo remembered correctly he had seen a poster on the bus when he went to work.

“Yup. You don't have to if you're busy or don't feel up to it, but I'd love to have you there.” Jungwoo wasn't exactly free with finals only 3 days away, but it was hard to pass up on anime. He probably needed a break anyways.

“I'll try my best to make it then.” Kun smiled and told he would text him the time and address. Jungwoo wasn't required to bring anything but when Kun told him most people did, he made up his mind to try baking something to bring with him. He made a mean macaroon afterall.

The bus ride home was slow. He listened to melancholic songs while watching the roads glisten from the rain like he was the star of some tragedy. Maybe he was, his life sure felt like it sometimes, but he was in an upward trend right now. He wasn't going to let something as silly as an anime movie night change that. This was not going to be a house party. Jungwoo wasn't going to have too many shots to feel completely aware. He wasn't going to end up in a cramped bathroom, pants ripped down to his knees, shoved down against the bathtub. He wouldn't wake up unable to pick himself up off of the cold tile floor, choking on tears.

Yet he still found himself pulling on a pair of jeans to tight to be comfortable and a shirt with a v neck that showed more collarbone than necessary. Armed with a plate of chocolate chip cookies wrapped in tin foil, Jungwoo left his dorm.

It felt weird, walking around in the chill evening air towards Kun’s. It’d been a long time since he last went out. He made it to Kun’s without incident, though he felt as if eyes were watching his every move.

Taeil greeted him at the door, pulling Jungwoo into a friendly hug before taking his only weapon from him. He placed it on the kitchen counter along with an array of other snacks and sweets.

“Jungwoo! I'm glad you made it,” Kun grabbed Jungwoo’s hand and lead him deeper into the apartment. “We were just getting ready to start the movie.” There are eight other people crammed onto couches or lying with blankets on the floor. Jungwoo recognizes maybe half of them. “Hey guys, this is Jungwoo. He works at the cafe with me.”

“Jungwoo! I didn’t know you were coming,” Yuta beckons Jungwoo over, offering him a seat on his beanbag. It’s not uncomfortable, but Yuta keeps fidgeting and turning to talk to the boy on the couch behind them. His name is Sicheng and he is saving someone a seat. Yuta was upset because he wanted Sicheng to sit with him.

Jungwoo tried not to focus on their conversation once it started getting a little more personal. Sicheng apparently had a lot of dirt on Yuta that Jungwoo didn’t want to know. He spotted Dongyoung and Ten across the room squeezed onto a couch with two other boys that Jungwoo doesn’t know. Chenle and some other boy (he later learns is named Jisung) were sitting on the floor playing phone games and munching on popcorn. Kun and Taeil were still finishing things up in the kitchen, the aroma of Kun’s baking wafting through the air.

Everyone was so absorbed in their little niche Jungwoo felt out of place. It was better than being the center of attention, but he wished the movie was on so he had at least somewhere to focus.

That’s when Mark Lee came to save him. Crashing through Kun’s front door with four other boys in tow, all eyes turned to see the spectacle before them.

“Someone pass me the bleach, I’m parched,” Mark said in his edgy teen voice.

“Same, I need to rinse my eyes after watching these two,” Renjun glared at Jaemin and Jeno whose hands were interlaced. Donghyuk was singing some outdated pop song and throwing himself over the four older boys on the couch. The Dream Team had arrived.

Jungwoo knew them since they stuck together like bare thighs to a leather car seat during the summer and because Jeno worked at the cafe. You could say they were regulars though it felt more like they ran the place.

Jeno and Rejun settled down on the floor next to Chenle and Jisung, who were probably being recruited to join their little squad already. Jaemin disappeared into the kitchen to help Kun and Taeil (probably walking in on something inappropriate). Mark then attempted to pull Donghyuk off of the four boys on the couch with a mixed response. Dongyoung was trying his best to push Donghyuk off but the guy sitting next to him (Jungwoo thinks he introduced himself as Jaehyun) was trying to wrestle the boy back from Mark.

“Ayo, Mark!” Yukhei, not Lucas Jungwoo remembers, walks into the room. He diverts Mark’s attention from Donghyuk for a high-five. Donghyuk successfully wriggles onto the floor and over to the boys successfully getting more popcorn onto the floor than into each other’s mouths. Taeyong also enters behind Yukhei, holding a thumb drive high.

“The movie has been downloaded!” He hops over the screaming children on the floor to set up the movie on the laptop connected to Kun’s TV.

“Oi, Yukhei! Get your fatass over here before I give your seat to Yuta!” Sicheng called. Yuta grinned, making a dive for the spot next to Sicheng, but getting blocked by Yukhei.

“Sumimasorry bitch,” Yukhei laughed and Yuta really looked like he was going to rip his throat out. Kun, Taeil, and Jaemin came out of the kitchen carrying plates of snacks and treats, setting them down on coffee tables or in people’s laps before settling down themselves.

Once the lights were out courtesy Donghyuk throwing his shoes at the wall (both since he missed on the first try), and everyone somewhat settled, Taeyong started the movie.

The meteors falling lit up the room in a pale blue light so Taeyong could make his way to a seat. He headed towards where Jungwoo was seated, almost cuddling with Yuta, but only because it was more comfortable on the bean bag that way.

“Hey Sicheng, scoot over?” Taeyong asked. Sicheng moved closer to Yukhei but it still didn’t leave enough room unless Taeyong wanted to sit on the arm rest the entire time.

“Yukhei, let’s switch. We could probably fit both me and Taeyong on the couch if you move,” Yuta whispered.

“Shut up Yuta the movie’s starting,” Donghyuk called out.

“Fuck you,” he hissed back. Yukhei nodded, the two getting up to switch places. With Yuta on the couch they managed to squeeze all three boys on the loveseat (Sicheng more in Yuta’s lap than on the couch but no one really cared). Yukhei settled down onto the bean bag, somewhat hesitantly. He tried his best to leave space between the two of them, sitting tensely through the beginning of the movie.

After about 5 minutes Jungwoo was tired of sitting on edge just to avoid even brushing their hands against one another. It was a bit ridiculous.

Jungwoo snaked his arm under Yukhei’s torso and pulled him closer. He re-adjusted himself slightly to rest between the other boy’s arm and chest, head cushioned by the muscles of Yukhei’s shoulder. It was a lot less uncomfortable, a little more awkward, but Yukhei put up with it and they went back to watching the movie in peace.

About half-way through Yukhei gets up to get more snacks and Jungwoo kinda misses his warmth. He steals a blanket from Rejun who has his arms wrapped around Jaemin, both fast asleep.

Most of the boys on the floor were either drowsy or passed out in the pile of blankets, bodies, and bits of stray food. Ten and Dongyong’s couch was still pretty perky, some still intent on the movie, others more intent on the person sitting next to them. Jungwoo didn’t need to look back to see what was going on behind him. He could hear plenty and knew too much from Yuta and Sicheng’s former conversation. He didn’t want to turn to check but Jungwoo had a feeling Taeyong wasn’t left out of it either. Taeil and Kun were cuddling on their own bean bag, completely focused on the anime like the weebs they were.

It was uncomfortable; Jungwoo felt like an outsider. Most of the people here probably got together regularly, solidifying the bonds that were almost tangible in the room. Jungwoo was too fucked up for that kind of friendship. Too fragile for such palpable emotion. When Yukhei returned Jungwoo unconsciously curled into him, as if physical closeness could substitute the other kind.

Without realizing it, Jungwoo was crying. He hated that something that happened two years ago could still affect him like this. Therapy was supposed to make it easier, and it had, but the change was slow. Painfully slow. Jungwoo wished he could be the person he still pretended to be on Instagram. Wished he didn’t feel like he was going to suffocate every time he was invited somewhere. Wished he could clear his mind of the degrading words that were barely more than a whisper but felt louder than all others in his head. He wished he could have friends without fearing that somehow they would find out about what happened and leave him, alone and broken on a cold bathroom floor.

“Hey, are you okay?” Yukhei whispered. Jungwoo muffled a sob in the soft fabric of Yukhei’s shirt. His fingers caressed small circles into Jungwoo’s shoulder. He was disgusted with himself, that he would turn to anyone in this moment who offered him a few reassuring words. This was how he lost people, dumping his shit on them all at once.

Yukhei pulled Jungwoo up, directing him away from everyone else and back towards his room. Ten gave Jungwoo a wink and a thumbs up which twisted into a sinking feeling. Jungwoo should have stayed home from this party too.

Yukhei’s room was messy. The desk looked like the aftermath of a hurricane with papers and notebooks haphazardly laying about. His bed wasn’t made and fountains of clothing sprouted from his closet and drawers. It didn’t look like he brought people here often, and if he did Jungwoo pitied them.

They sat down on the end of his bed and Yukhei asked again if he was okay. Jungwoo wasn’t okay. He wanted to build normal relationships and have friends the way everyone around him did, yet there he was in some dude’s bedroom about to only make things worse. It was sickening because he was attracted to Yukhei too, and he knew he wouldn’t do anything to stop him. That would make him be as worthless as he felt.

“Jungwoo, you’re crying and I don’t know why. Are you hurt somewhere?” Everywhere. “Do I need to take you to the hospital?” Probably. “Jungwoo, please tell me what’s wrong.” Everything. Everything is wrong and it’s all because of him. If Jungwoo could get over himself he wouldn’t be in this situation. If he wasn’t such a slut, begging for it, none of this would’ve happened. If Jungwoo hadn’t come onto him first then why would it have happened. Yukhei was straight after all. Why else would he be interested in Jungwoo?

“I’m going to go get Kun,” Yukhei got up to leave. Jungwoo grabbed his wrist, fingers shaking. Why would he leave? Was Jungwoo not good enough?

“Please, stay.” It’s barely more than a whisper, but Yukhei stops.

“Jungwoo I don’t really know what to do. Kun could probably help you.”

“Don’t leave me alone,” Jungwoo hardly get the words past his lips with how much his body is shaking. “I’ll do anything, please.”

Yukhei looks at him strange, as if there is something on Jungwoo he hadn’t noticed before. He careful sits back down next to Jungwoo, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Jungwoo presses himself close, wrapping his arms around Yukhei’s solid frame. It is good. He wants him. Jungwoo isn’t worthless. He moves so that he is straddling Yukhei’s lap, foreheads pressed together.

“Jungwoo, you aren’t thinking right. Stop this,” Yukhei says, but Jungwoo feels more. No, he wants more.

“I want you.” He leans in, their lips more touching than not, but Yukhei pulls back.

“Jungwoo, it’s gonna be okay.” He wraps his arms around Jungwoo and pulls him into a hug. It feels safe and unbreakable. Jungwoo buries his head in Yukhei’s neck and lets the tears fall until he is left sobbing without them.

It didn’t make sense. Why would Yukhei turn him down? Why would he stay to hold him until the shaking stopped? Why would he do anything when Jungwoo had nothing to give? Jungwoo couldn’t comprehend Wong Yukhei, the boy who used his Instagram photos to catfish his roommate. The boy who blushed and balked when Jungwoo mentioned roleplay. The boy who would’ve sat on edge through a 2 hour movie just because he didn’t want to touch the person sitting next to him. The man who held him tight in his arms until Jungwoo felt like there was nothing in the world that could reach him in Yukhei’s embrace.

He didn’t understand, but he wanted to know more.

 

 

Jungwoo didn’t remember falling asleep, but when he woke up to Yukhei’s arms still draped loosely around him, he decided it would be a good time to leave. Still fully clothed, he quickly scavenged for his phone in the room of people passed out in front of the TV. Some of them had migrated to different places, but most of the younger boys were still piled together on the floor. Once found, he slipped out the front door and ran back to his own dorm. He needed to get away.

He asked for the next few days at the cafe off to focus on his finals. For a week he managed to only interact with his semi-conscious roommate and the young woman who ran the cashier at the student store.

Jungwoo had a lot on his mind and retreating into his personal bubble helped him work things out. For one, he figured that the outing at Kun’s wasn’t a total negative since, apart from his panic attack, he had come out relatively unscathed. He was still nervous, but it felt like a step in the right direction towards becoming a functional person again. He knew his thoughts that night were irrational and untrue, so he whispered reassurances to himself under his breath as reminders. He also discovered that he was developing more than just a physical attraction for Yukhei, which frightened the hell out of him. Jungwoo didn’t think he was ready to be in a relationship, but the desire to be encased in Yukhei’s arms while he whispered soothing words to him was unusually strong.

Alternatively, Jungwoo learned that worried messages from his coworkers were hard to avoid, even in his personal bubble. Part of him appreciated the thought, another part just wanted them to leave him be.

Between studying for finals and taking them, Jungwoo spent the rest of his time watching episodes of One Piece and Dragon Ball that he had missed during school. It was nice to lose himself in the fictional worlds and forget about his problems.

Soon finals were over and Jungwoo found his way back at the cafe, chatting with Kun and some of their customers as if nothing had happened at all. That was the way he wanted it. No one needed to know Jungwoo had a problem until he fixed it. Only his therapist, and now Wong Yukhei, had any idea, and as long as Jungwoo could keep the details from Yukhei, no one else would ever need to know.

Jungwoo stayed on campus over break, not able to afford going home. A few of the other cafe workers left, however with the majority of the student population feeding their service also gone, the work remained the same. Jungwoo found himself running long and lonely shifts to make a few extra dollars.

Apparently Yukhei had also decided to stay on campus over the break, since he soon became a regular at the cafe. They would acknowledge one another, he would order, Jungwoo would fulfill his request, and Yukhei would sit quietly at a table until his drink was finished. It became their little routine until Jungwoo could predict the exact time and order Yukhei would come in with and have it already ready for him.

Having Yukhei around was both calming and nerve-wracking. Jungwoo felt safe around him, but he was also exposed. Yukhei knew he was weak and Jungwoo lived in fear that he would exploit that.

Halfway through the break they exchanged numbers. No messages were exchanged, but Jungwoo found it easier to sleep at night knowing that there was a number in his phone he could call if something was happening.

Five days before break ended, Jungwoo’s roommate came back. He told Jungwoo that he wanted to host a party before the next semester started to which Jungwoo couldn’t refuse. Frankly, Jihoon scared him and he didn’t know how to say no.

The night before Jungwoo didn’t know how to fall asleep, feeling the panic rising like bile in his throat. He couldn’t be there during Jihoon’s party. He knew maybe 3 of the people coming, and too many strangers invading his space, provoking his anxiety, would only lead to another break down. He knew that nothing would happen, but the ‘what ifs’ plagued him. The last thing he needed was to relapse when he was finally seeing progress.

That’s how Jungwoo found himself texting Yukhei for the first time at 2 in the morning. His name was saved under Lucas because it made Jungwoo smile.

**Jungwoo** : Hey, could we do something together tomorrow evening?

**Lucas** : ofc!

**Lucas** : smthng up?

**Jungwoo** : My roommate is having a party

**Lucas** : ur always welcome at mine and kuns

**Jungwoo** : Thanks

**Jungwoo** : <3

Jungwoo had debated sending the heart at the end. It wasn’t necessary, but he felt it was fitting. Jungwoo was feeling good and talking to Yukhei made him feel even better. It scared him that he had grown so comfortable with someone new in his life so quickly, and it was thrilling to know he might be able to make new friends again.

He fell asleep with a good feeling about tomorrow.

 

 

After helping Jihoon and Soonyoung set up, Jungwoo split from his apartment for Kun and Yukhei’s. He stole a bag of chips from his roommate as collateral and picked up a drink from the student store en route. He kicked the door a few times, hands full with his prizes, until Yukhei opened up and let him inside.

They sat down on opposite couches in the lounge space and talked for a bit about the next semester courses. They were in the same year, but linguistics and engineering majors didn’t have too many overlapping classes.

“I never thanked you for the other day, but I really appreciate what you did back during that movie night.”

“No, no. I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything more to help you. I felt bad because I had no idea what to do,” Yukhei explained. Jungwoo was a bit distracted by how much his hands moved and his facial expressions changed when talking, so he looked away.

“I’m not really comfortable in a party setting, at least not anymore, and I kinda freaked out. I didn’t want to make you worry about me or anything.”

“It’s alright dude. I get that way when I enter the library sometimes. All the time I’ve spent there practically ripping my hair out makes me uncomfortable every time I so much as walk past.” It wasn’t comparable in magnitude to what Jungwoo felt, but he knew that Yukhei was empathizing by sharing a connection to his own experiences. “You don’t ever have to tell me about it, but if you want to I promise I can shut up for long enough to listen.”

Jungwoo wanted to tell him. He could already see himself spilling every detail to Yukhei and curling up in his arms again as he cried it out. He wanted to tell him, but when his mouth opened he could only stutter out a soft “Thanks.”

They ended up watching a few episodes of One Punch Man which Yukhei had never heard of before and Jungwoo found sacrilegious. About four episodes in they decided they were too hungry to continue so Jungwoo and Yukhei headed to the cafeteria to grab dinner. Unfortunately they were about 10 minutes to late since Yukhei forgot the cafeteria closed earlier during break.

“There's a good Thai place a couple blocks away if you're up for it,” Yukhei offered. “I know they don't close until 11.”

“Better than having our first date at the cafeteria,” Jungwoo teased.

“First w-what?!” Yukhei blubbered. Jungwoo laughed.

“I'm just kidding. Our first date was at the cafe when Kun first met Taeil.”

“That was a date?!”

“I guess not, but this one could be if you wanted it to,” Jungwoo smiled playfully. It was said in jest but his offer was a little bit serious.

“Jungwoo! You have more wit to you than I thought,” Yukhei grinned, finally catching on to Jungwoo’s teasing.

“Too much,” he mutters.

“No no, it's refreshing. I hang out with Kun and he has about as much wit as a dead fish. Don't tell him i said that though.”

They got to the restaurant and got a table for two. It was a hole-in-the-wall kind of place where the tables were crammed together and the dim lighting created a moody atmosphere. The food was great, just like Yukhei said, and they had the whole space to themselves apart from an elderly couple sitting near the other window. It was totally first date material, especially when Yukhei adamantly refused to let Jungwoo pay for his own half.

On their way back, Jungwoo could hear the music booming from his building as they walked past. Walking next to Yukhei, he felt bold, unafraid of the cacophony in his room that would usually force him to the fetal position until he passed out sobbing.

“That sure is one raging party,” Yukhei commented.

“Hey, do you want to stop by Jihoon’s party with me?” Jungwoo’s hands fiddled with the hem of his shirt, body less certain of the outcome than his mind.

“I thought you and parties weren’t a good mix?” Yukhei asked. He was proding again for Jungwoo to spill, but Jungwoo knew better. If he talked now he wouldn’t even be able to pass the threshold without breaking down.

“I used to be quite the party animal a couple years back. It’ll be fine,” he scoffed.

“I could see it,” Yukhei smiled. “Do you know anyone there?”

“Jihoon is my roommate and it’s our apartment, they can’t kick us out. Let’s go!” Jungwoo knew that Yukhei was asking a different question and felt touched he cared so much about his well-being, but Jungwoo needed him to stop asking questions. The longer they stalled the more likely Jungwoo would psyche himself out.

Jungwoo laced his fingers in between Yukhei’s and pulled him forward. The other boy was hesitant, but followed along anyways. His heart was dancing, but Jungwoo was convinced that it was more in nervousness for the party than because of the way holding Yukhei’s hand felt.

Neither of them let go when they entered the building. Jungwoo thought Yukhei might when they got in the elevator, but their fingers remained interlocked the slow nine-floor ride up. They broke apart when the door opened and the two boys were met with a tsunami of pounding pop music.

“You sure about this? We can just go back to my apartment instead,” Yukhei offered. His eyes glowed in the disco lighting and a sly grin plastered his face. The way the green and then red and then blue and then green again light would catch in his hair made Jungwoo’s knees weak. Yukhei was in his element in this kind of setting, and even if Jungwoo wanted to say yes, he would’ve shook his head and dived into the throng of people filling his dorm.

He quickly found his way to the kitchen where people were pouring drinks and taking shots. Jungwoo avoided the alcohol like a plague and pulled one of his own ice teas from the fridge to pour in a red solo cup. It would be better to look like he was drinking even if he wasn’t.

He was strangely calm, wading through the crowd of strangers. He spotted a few that he knew, like Soonyoung dancing to Shakira on top of the couch and Ailee belting out the lyrics to a song on the karaoke machine, but everyone else was just a face or a body in a hot sea of limbs.

It was different than Kun’s movie night since he was just as much a stranger to these people as they were to each other. It was different than other parties too, ones where Jungwoo would dress up to attract one of those stranger’s attention and dance as if his life depended on it. It was a good kind of different, but Jungwoo knew he shouldn’t stay for too much longer.

He decided he should find Jihoon and say hi before leaving. His roommate was all too understanding of Jungwoo’s situation, and he hoped that Jihoon would be proud of him for trying (even if he might not remember it in the morning).

He was happy to find his own room empty of people, but Jihoon’s was another story. It was as if more people crammed themselves into that space than the rest of the apartment. Most of them were Jihoon’s close friends, but Jungwoo wasn’t great at matching their names to faces. He asked one that he thinks is called Jeonghan if he has seen Jihoon but the guy doesn’t respond because he is too drunk (or because his name was wrong but Jungwoo would like to think he is better than that).

Jungwoo doesn’t look in the bathroom, he walks right past deciding that if Jihoon is in there it’s too bad. Not being able to find Jihoon is starting to make him anxious, and with the anxiety comes bad thoughts. Jungwoo needs to leave.

Instead of looking for Jihoon, Jungwoo emerges back into the kitchen and living room area to look for Yukhei. Even if they don’t leave, Jungwoo has a feeling that being around Yukhei will make it more bearable.

It isn’t hard to spot the mop of brown hair slightly taller than most of the other heads in the room. Yukhei is like a beacon for Jungwoo, guiding him through the dancing people. It isn’t until he gets close to shore that he remembers lighthouse beacons are placed atop cliffs and jagged coasts. Like a moth to a flame, Jungwoo’s ship wrecks among the gnawing teeth of stone.

Yukhei has a girl wrapped in his arms, pressed tight to his chest as they sway to the music. Their faces are connected at the lip and all Jungwoo can do is stare.

All of those bubbly feelings he had about Yukhei being his anchor, keeping his mind from drifting back to his past, have burst. He knew that Yukhei was straight. Kun had warned him from the start. Jungwoo was delusional to think anything otherwise. All of the times Jungwoo felt flustered or that Yukhei was blushing because of something he did seemed ridiculous. It was as if he hadn’t even felt the magnitude of his emotions until the waves crashed down upon him, shattering his heart to pieces.

Yukhei had never even looked at Jungwoo with the intent Jungwoo imagined. Yukhei turned Jungwoo down at Kun’s party because he was straight, not because he wanted Jungwoo to feel safe. Yukhei didn’t care about Jungwoo or his problems, he just wanted to hang out with someone besides Kun. Yukhei was too busy kissing a girl to wonder if Jungwoo was going to be alright during the party.

Jungwoo was a fool.

The room began to cave inwards and squeeze Jungwoo until he felt like he couldn’t breathe. There were too many people touching him. It was too hot. He could feel sweat dripping down his face. Or maybe those were tears. He really didn’t know. He needed to leave but his feet were like lead, pinning him to the floor.

A hand grasped his shoulder. Jungwoo’s head snapped around to see a tall man asking him if he was alright. His brain couldn’t process anything except for the one hand massaging his shoulder and the cup of alcohol in the man’s other hand.

He felt like he was in a different time and place and someone else was there instead. This was how it happened, right? Jungwoo would give him a sweet smile and the guy would pull him away from the crowd to somewhere private. Say, the bathroom. He would kiss Jungwoo and tell him that he was such a slut and that he would make him feel the way he deserved. Jungwoo would giggle, not comprehending his words in the moment, and say something like “fuck me then” and the man would.

He would tear off his clothes and shove Jungwoo against the bathtub. He would laugh when Jungwoo started to cry. He would tell him that Jungwoo was a little bitch for crying and bang his head against the wall. There would be blood dripping from his nose and thighs onto the white tiled floors as the man threw every insult and fist he could at Jungwoo all the while telling him it was what he deserved.

It was what he deserved for dressing that way. It was what he deserved for leading him on. It was what he deserved for being a whore. It was what he deserved for smiling like that. It was what he deserved for being Jungwoo.

Then he would leave. Jungwoo would stay, cold and in pain, unable to move. He would cry and hope that someone might help him. He would try not to sob harder when the door opened and shut again after someone saw the bathroom was occupied. Humiliated and ashamed, he would eventually pass out on that cold floor, wishing he could drown in the tears surrounding him.

“Hey, are you alright?” the man asks again. Jungwoo isn’t alright. He should have never come. He should have never asked Yukhei if he could come over. He should have never went to Kun’s for movie night. He should have never pretended to catfish Yukhei as Kun. He should have never went to that party. He should have never put on those clothes. He should have never kissed that boy behind the soccer field in high school. He should have never started watching the boys play basketball after school. He should have never existed.

Jungwoo does the only thing that seems rational to his panicking mind. He runs.

He bolts towards the door, not bothering to weave through people but just trying to get out as fast as he can. He runs down nine flights of stairs and straight out the lobby. He runs with images of Yukhei kissing that girl chasing him. He runs as if he can hear the feet of that man pounding behind him in pursuit. He runs as if he could run straight off of the face of the Earth and into oblivion.

The night is cold and eventually Jungwoo gets tired. He trips on a curb and ends up face down on a lawn. His tears already dried, he feels like he can breathe again. He flips over to look at the stars.

Everything hurts, but Jungwoo has other problems to worry about. He needs to make an appointment with the therapist soon. He needs to quit his job at the cafe and find somewhere new to work. He needs to find somewhere he can sleep tonight.

Eyes already drooping, he decides sleep is his first priority. Maybe some of his soreness and heartache will be gone in the morning. Jungwoo calls Ten first, then Dongyoung, but is met with no answer both times.

The third person he calls picks up.

“Jungwoo? It’s like one in the morning why--yawn--are you calling me?” a sleepy voice answers.

“I’m sorry for calling so late Jeno, I was just wondering if I could crash on your couch tonight.”

“Is something up?”

“Jihoon is having a party and I can’t fall asleep.” Please don’t ask anymore questions.

“Sure, I’ll unlock the door for you. I might be asleep again when you get here.”

“Thank you Jeno, I’ll try not to wake you up if you are.”

“No problem.”

Jungwoo walks to Jeno’s dorm building feeling the chill of the night air now that he isn’t running in it. The warmth inside is soothing and Jungwoo sneaks into Jeno’s apartment, careful not to make a sound. He notices that Jaemin and Rejun’s shoes are also by the door, the three probably having a sleepover together. Jungwoo slips inside and crashes onto the couch. It takes less than two minutes before a dreamless sleep overtakes him.

 

 

Probably a thousand missed calls and texts greet him when he wakes up and Jungwoo ignores them all. Most were from Ten and Dongyoung, but there were a few from Kun and even Jihoon mixed in. Yukhei was somewhere in there too, but Jungwoo wanted to pretend he never even saw that name.

“You alright there?” Jaemin asked. The younger boy was making something in the kitchen, glancing back and forth between his pan and Jungwoo.

“Not really, but nothing I can’t handle.” Jungwoo smiled to prove it. The last thing he wanted to do was worry the younger kids. “Whatcha making?”

“Just some eggs and hash. Jeno and Renjun are still asleep.”

“Does that mean I can eat it all?”

“If you want to deal with the wrath of a tired and hungry Renjun, go for it,” Jaemin laughed. They were cute. Jungwoo always felt like a real adult around the Dream Team and it reassured him that he could take care of himself sometimes.

“What were you guys up to last night if they are sleeping in later than me?” Jungwoo didn’t miss the light blush that dusted Jaemin’s cheeks. He knew the boy was confident, but when it came to people like Jungwoo or Ten it was impossible for even Jaemin to remain unabashed. “Nothing naughty I hope.”

“He wishes it was,” Renjun taunted, walking out of the bedroom with his hair tousled.

“Who got you that shirt?” Jungwoo had to ask. Renjun was wearing a white tee that said “Watch Corn Not Porn” with clipart of a corn cob wearing shades.

“This?” Renjun looked down at the shirt to confirm. “I think Johnny might have bought me this for Christmas.”

“Johnny?” Jungwoo asked. There were still some people that associated with Jungwoo’s friend group he didn’t quite know yet.

“He’s the one always hanging around Ten these days. Tall. Bit of an accent.” Jungwoo nodded, still not really knowing who Renjun was talking about but appreciating his taste in t-shirts.

“Morning Jungwoo,” Jeno called, looking less disheveled than Renjun but coming from the same room. “Sleep alright?”

“Yes, thanks for letting me crash.”

“Anytime. Just maybe call me a little earlier,” Jeno smiled. He really was just a precious little kid still.

They ate breakfast together and the boys gossiped about their inner circle so that Jungwoo could get the good scoop straight from the source. Apparently Donghyuk had a thing for Mark, but Mark was “The Most Oblivious Person in the World” so all the boys were trying to come up with ways to help their buddy out.

After breakfast Jungwoo excused himself and trotted down to the university health clinic. He signed up for one of the open sessions with a counselor, but the time wouldn’t be for a few hours. To pass it, he went to the gym to take a shower. He didn’t want to go back to his own dorm just yet.

Once clean and feeling fresher, Jungwoo finally called back Ten.

“Jungwoo! What happened? Where have you been? Are you alright?”

“I’m all good, I crashed last night at Jeno’s.”

“I was so worried after I got a call saying you disappeared from Jihoon’s party last night and I had a missed call from you on my phone and no one knew what had happened to you and Dongyoung called me later to say he had a missed call from you too and he hardly even talks to me and I feel so bad that I wasn’t even on campus to be able to look for you--”

“Ten, it’s alright. I’m fine.”

“I’m going to come over as soon as I get back tomorrow with ice cream and Howl’s Moving Castle whether you like it or not.” Jungwoo smiled. It was great to have a friend like Ten to support him.

“Thank you.”

“I have so much to tell you about my break too. It’s been wild these past few weeks.”

“I can’t wait to hear it. I need to call back Dongyoung though, make sure he isn’t worrying anymore either.”

“Alright. I get it. Leave me for him. Rub it in his face that you called me first though will you.”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Rude.”

“Bye Ten,” Jungwoo sighed and hung up. Ten was a great friend but he was also a lot sometimes. He dialed up Dongyoung but the line rang out again. If anything, Dongyoung had just gone to sleep; he was more nocturnal than not these days.

Jungwoo sent a text to Kun to let him know he was alright before heading back towards the health clinic. He waited the remaining hour reading the school newspapers and odd magazines laying about the waiting room. His visit with the counselor wasn’t super helpful, but it felt good to talk to someone who knew about the things Jungwoo wasn’t comfortable talking about. The consolation was as average as they come, but better than nothing.

Jungwoo left the office willing to go back to his apartment and less set on quitting his job to start clean again.

His dorm was still trashed, but almost all of the people were gone. Soonyoung was passed out in the living area with two of Jihoon’s other friends and Jungwoo didn’t look to see who had wound up in Jihoon’s room. He crawled into his own room, thankful it was still empty, and bundled himself up in his bed. Today felt like a good day to blanket burrito and rewatch Naruto.

Ninjas and adventures carried his mind on pleasant winds, away from his rough night and wailing memories.

 

 

 

School started back up again and so did a more regular work schedule. Jungwoo was happy to have his routine back and threw himself into his tasks full force. Turning down party invitations and other events, posting on Instagram like he was as normal as everybody else, and flirting with customers to get tips resumed along with the semblance of consistency.

Jihoon had apologized to him even though he had done nothing wrong and while Kun asked a few questions, he was satisfied that Jungwoo was okay. Yukhei showed up to the cafe to talk to Jungwoo a few times. While he wanted to be childish and go hide in the back, he decided to be immature and ignore Yukhei in the front.

It hurt and Jungwoo didn’t understand. He hardly knew Yukhei, yet he was this heartbroken. They were never together, but he felt like he got cheated on. He wished his feelings didn’t exist.

Jungwoo wasn’t vengeful, but he was petty. He blocked Yukhei’s number and Insta and made sure that his order was wrong whenever he came to the cafe during Jungwoo’s shift.

Per his therapist’s request, Jungwoo started trying to rebuild confidence beyond the facade he wore. He followed up on some of the numbers that got left for him at the counter. He went on small dates at the park or another cafe. Jihoon helped by setting him up on others with the multitude of friends Jungwoo couldn’t keep track of.

None of it lasted of course. Jungwoo didn’t want to be in a relationship and he was too nervous to do anything more than kissing (and more often than not imagining it was Yukhei instead). It did feel good though, knowing that not everyone was out there to hurt him.

The semester was almost half gone when Kun confronted Jungwoo with a problem.

“I’m really worried. He won’t talk to me and he stays holed up in his room all the time, but I don’t think he is getting any sleep. I know it’s a long shot, but could you try to convince Yukhei to go visit the counselor, or the therapist? I know you’ve gotten help from them before and maybe he’ll listen to you.”

“He probably won’t though; we aren’t very close,” Jungwoo said. He hated that he was worried about Yukhei. He hated that he wanted to console and help him even though Yukhei had failed to do the same.

“Please, can you just try? He is going to fail all his classes and drop out if this continues. Anything could help right now.”

Jungwoo knew. He knew how it felt to be wallowing in self pity and worthlessness. He knew why he would turn away from the people who only wanted to help him. He knew that Yukhei probably didn’t know how much his actions were affecting the people around him.

“I guess I can try,” Jungwoo nodded. Kun thanked him and they set up a time when Jungwoo could stop by.

Jungwoo drifted through the rest of the day, not certain of anything. He showed up at Kun’s door two minutes early and stood in front of it until they passed before knocking.

No one answered, so Jungwoo knocked again, louder. When the door remained shut, he called Kun. With Kun’s direction he found the spare key and entered the apartment.

The place was dark and cold. It was like a cave where bears hibernated during the winter. Jungwoo tread carefully through until he found the door to Yukhei’s room. He knocked once. Then twice.

It was a silent as the front door, so Jungwoo carefully entered.

The room was messier than Jungwoo remembered and smelled something else entirely. A little light filtered past the drawn blinds to illuminate the room, yet Jungwoo still tripped on a shoe thrown haphazardly across the floor.

“Kun, I’m fine. Go away,” Yukhei mumbled.

“Well I’m not fine. How do you live in this?” His hand had landed in a half-eaten box of pizza from who knows how long ago. The warm cheese and probably molding crust clung to his skin as he tried to shake it off.

While he was busy de-pizzaing himself, Yukhei crawled out of his bed and captured Jungwoo in a headlock.

“G-get o-o-ff me!” he croaked out.

“Why are you in my apartment? What do you want from me?” Yukhei hissed.

“I-it-t’s me-e, Jung-jungwoo!”

The arm around his throat loosened enough so he could breathe again.

Yukhei looked ragged. There was stubble coating his jaw and dark circles hanging under his eyes. His hair clung together in awkward clumps and fell over his eyes like a curtain. He was a mess, and even so Jungwoo felt like Yukhei’s arm was still pressed tight to his throat, knocking the air out of him.

“Sorry,” Yukhei muttered.

“It’s fine.” They sat there, on Yukhei’s dirty floor, neither able to look the other in the eye. “Have you eaten anything today?”

Yukhei shook his head. “I brought some food, let’s go eat.”

Jungwoo stood up and pulled Yukhei up after him. It was a pre-made pasta dish that Jungwoo heated up in the microwave, but it was surprisingly good. He let Yukhei eat most of it, since once the boy got food into his mouth he couldn’t stop putting more in until it was all gone. He must have been pretty hungry. It was a wonder when he last ate anything substantial.

“Do you want to watch some anime or a movie?” Yukhei didn’t answer, so Jungwoo lead him by the hand to a couch and set up his laptop so they could watch an anime movie. He started playing Evangelion 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone, one of his all-time favorites.

“Why are you doing this?” Yukhei asked. Jungwoo was a little upset because they were just getting to the part where Shinji has his breakdown before getting into the eva.

“Because I get it,” he shrugged.

“But you’ve been ignoring me for weeks. How would you understand anything.”

“Maybe. I don’t know exactly what you’re struggling with, but I understand pain pretty well.”

“I don’t understand you at all,” Yukhei whispers and when Jungwoo looks over he is crying. He never thought Yukhei was the crying type. Jungwoo puts his hand on the other boy’s back and rubs soft circles as Yukhei bites his lip shut.

“When I was in high school I used to go to parties all the time with friends and have a great time. Freshman year of college though, something happened to me at a party, and I haven’t been able to go to almost any events with a lot of people or alcohol since. I’ve been trying to be able to be that person I was, but I can’t ever go back. I don’t want to go back anymore.”

“You know, I used to think you were just some kind of Instagram, like, um flirty, uh--”

“Whore?”

“I-I guess, yeah.” Yukhei turns away as he admits it. Jungwoo gets it. He knows what he posts and he knows how it makes him look. He used to want to be that person, but now he is content hiding behind his persona. It stings, but it’s only one bee compared to the nest of wasps living in his head.

“I used to think I was too.”

“You’re not though.”

“I’m not,” Jungwoo agrees.

“Jungwoo,” Yukhei paused a little longer than Jungwoo thought he would, “do you hate me?”

Maybe a little. He hated that Yukhei was able to hold so fast to a piece of his heart when Jungwoo tried so hard to make him let go. He hated that sitting next to the younger boy made his heart race. He hated that he could still feel this way about Yukhei despite knowing he would never return those emotions.

“I don’t hate you, Yukhei.”

“Did I do something to you? Did I hurt you?”

“Kinda, but it doesn’t really matter.”

“You’ve been ignoring me for weeks and you never gave me the chance to ask what I did wrong. What did I do? Please let me know.”

“I don't know. I was just starting to have a panic attack at Jihoon’s party and when I found you, you were kissing someone and didn't even notice. I freaked out a bit because I wasn't thinking right and I was a bit jealous and I ended up running away from my problems like I always do.”

“I'm sorry, I didn't know.”

“I get it, which is why I don't hate you. That's enough talking about me though, why have you been a hermit for the past week?”

Yukhei chuckled: “It seems so childish thinking about it now.”

“It's not if you were that upset about it.”

“I just, I just don't understand anything anymore. I feel like my whole world has been flipped inside out and I'm still trying to live on the inside while getting crushed by the outside.”

“Why are you so afraid?” Jungwoo had a feeling about where this conversation was going.

“My family, my friends, society, everything.”

“Why does that make you afraid?”

“I don't want them to think of me or treat me different. I don't want them to hate me. I don't want them to abandon me.”

“I'm sorry,” Jungwoo said. Yukhei looked up, confused. “Sorry for abandoning you while I dealt with my problems. It won't happen again.”

Yukhei shook his head. “No, you don't have to. It's not fair of me me to expect that of you when I haven't been able to do the same.”

“I'm here for you though. You can tell me anything, and trust me, I am the last person who will judge you for it.”

“Can you promise things won't be awkward between us?”

“No, because I'm an awkward and uncomfortable person and I promise that as long as we are friends I will be doing something to embarass you and make you feel awkward being around me."

Yukhei laughed. “Alrighty then. And for the record I'm definitely a more awkward person to be around than you.” Jungwoo shrugged. He wouldn't fight for the title.

“I guess I started to realize it during that movie night. I couldn't get over the fact we were cuddling and it felt great and then when you started crying I was so confused but all I wanted was to help you and then we kind of kissed but I was so afraid and confused. Over the break I tried hanging around you more because I thought I would go back to seeing you as just another dude, but the more I went to the cafe the more I started to think of you differently. It freaked me out so much. I've never felt this way about a guy before and I never thought I was gay or could like guys like that. All I wanted was to hold your hand and kiss you but I was so afraid of everything and that you would hate me for it. So when we went to that party I started kissing this girl and it felt good but weird because I couldn't stop thinking about you. When you disappeared and then started ignoring me it felt so terrible. It hurt so much because I realized I was in love with you and I thought you hated me. It was like the world was telling me I was as trashy as I felt.”

Jungwoo leaned forward and pressed his lips to Yukhei’s cheek. He knew. Wait, no. He didn't know, but he had a feeling. The feeling you get when you look into someone's eyes you know exactly what they are feeling.

“Congratulations, you've had your bisexual awakening,” Jungwoo whispers. “I don't think you would be this upset from just that though.” Jungwoo wrapped his arms around Yukhei’s waist, leaning against his solid frame.

“I might have been overreacting because Sicheng told me that Ihop doesn't sell pancakes anymore and I can't live in a world without the international house of pancakes.”

Jungwoo sat up. “Are you being serious?” There were tears in Yukhei's eyes and Jungwoo had an itch to smack him.

“I love Ihop so much. National pancake day is my favorite holiday,” Yukhei whimpered.

“I can't believe you right now.”

“I go there every Tuesday for-” Jungwoo put an end to Yukhei’s pancake angst with a swift kiss. It was short, somewhat chaste, and perfect. His hands reached up to cup the younger boy's cheeks and Yukhei's arms found Jungwoo’s waist to pull him closer.

They broke apart, but their foreheads stayed pressed together. “You dumbass. Ihop still sells pancakes, they just also sell burgers now. Sicheng lied to you.”

“You kissed me,” Yukhei whispered in disbelief, Ihop forgotten. A finger ghosted his lips as if he was unsure he could feel correctly with them anymore.

“And I'll do it again,” Jungwoo breathed, closing the distance to connect their mouths again.

Before it got interesting Yukhei pulled away again. “Jungwoo, I like you a lot, but I don't want to do this if you're not interested in me too.”

“I've been interested since we first met at the cafe.”

“No, not like that. I don't want to do this with you if you don't want to be with me. I think I might love you and it would be a lot easier if you tell me right now you don't reciprocate before I start making assumptions.”

Jungwoo twirled a lock of Yukhei's hair in his fingers. He wasn't in love with Yukhei (probably), but he knew he would be. There were just too many emotions, too much attraction, and not enough action for Jungwoo to want anything other than a relationship with the younger boy.

“Let's assume I love you then. What happens next?”

“We kiss again?”

“Mmhmm. And then?” Jungwoo murmured, hands lightly moving over Yukhei's shoulders.

“I ask you to be my boyfriend?”

“You say it like you aren't sure,” he commented. He picked a stray piece of lint off of Yukhei’s shirt.

“I don't know if you want that or not,” Yukhei sighed.

“I'm pretty fucked up Yukhei. If anything I should be asking you if you're sure you'd want to be in a relationship with me.”

“I do, I really do. I just want to be around you and hold your hand and kiss you.”

“That's it?” Jungwoo asked raising an eyebrow.

“No. Maybe? I'm not sure.” It was fun to see Yukhei get flustered like that.

“We’ll have to take things pretty slow.”

“I don’t think I could handle fast,” Yukhei admitted.

“Would cuddling be too fast for you?”

“No, no. Definitely not too fast,” Yukhei shook his head furiously. He shifted to pull Jungwoo closer to him.

“Slow down speed racer,” Jungwoo teased. “I never said I wanted to cuddle, or be your boyfriend for that matter.”

“Oh. Yeah.” There was an awkward moment where Yukhei was trying to decide between letting go of Jungwoo or just remaining as they were. It made him smile; the younger boy was too cute.

Jungwoo moved so that he was straddling Yukhei’s lap and weaved his fingers into his hair. If Yukhei was breathing he would have felt it tickling his lips, but the younger boy’s breath was caught in his throat. Jungwoo pressed his lips against Yukhei’s.

He wanted to freeze time and live in this moment, where nothing could exist in his mind if it wasn’t named Yukhei. He loved how secure it felt to be wrapped in Yukhei’s arms. He loved how strong that made him feel--that when he was squeezed tight he wouldn’t break.

“Jungwoo,” Yukhei finally breathed, “what are you doing?”

“Letting you make assumptions.”

Jungwoo smiled when Yukhei kissed him. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this happy. If kissing Yukhei felt like this he never wanted to stop.

“Kim Jungwoo, I’m in love with you. Will you be my boyfriend?”

“On one condition.” Yukhei cocked his head, thrown off by Jungwoo’s response. “You have to clean your room. I am never going to spend the night here if it stays that disgusting. I’m going to have nightmares for weeks.”

Yukhei chuckled, a big smile growing across his cheeks. “Then I’ll just kiss all the bad dreams away.” Their lips met again, more smiles than actual kisses, but just as pleasant.

“While you’re at it you should shave too.”

“You don’t like the stubble?”

“It feels like a cat is licking me aggressively. I’ll pass.”

Yukhei rubbed his cheek against Jungwoo’s, holding his neck so Jungwoo couldn’t escape the torture.

“Stop it you big baby!” Jungwoo laughed. Yukhei looked up at him with his puppy dog eyes and an evil grin.

“Meow.”

“I can’t believe you right now. I just agreed to date a furry.”

“You were the one who said you were into roleplay.” Jungwoo remembers. He wishes he could take his words back (though for the record he totally called Yukhei being a closeted furry too).

“Furries and roleplay are two completely different things you idiot.”

“I’m not a furry, and I’m on the dean’s list.” Jungwoo didn’t like that Yukhei had to rub it in. Linguistics was obviously easier to maintain a higher grade point average in since you don’t have to take higher level math and science courses. Just because Yukhei had a better GPA didn’t mean he was any less of an idiot to Jungwoo.

“A studious idiot, whatever. Let’s just finish watching this.”

All smiles and sloppy kisses, they repositioned themselves to watch the anime cuddling together. Jungwoo insisted they restart since they missed a good half of the movie talking and Yukhei needed to understand the masterpiece of NGE.

Sometime around halfway into the third movie Jungwoo fell asleep in Yukhei’s arms. It was comfortable and intoxicating, a pure sedative running through Jungwoo’s veins every time Yukhei would press a soft kiss on the top of his head. His eyes drooped and his burly pillow stroked his hair until sleep overcame him.

They woke up in the morning to Kun coming through the front door and nearly gave him a heart attack as he tried to sneak back to his room. He didn’t have to say for them to know where he spent the night.

Jungwoo looked at Yukhei. A newly inducted bisexual. A closeted furry. His boyfriend. _His_ boyfriend. His _boyfriend_. It made him giddy and nervous and so, _so_ fucking happy all at once.

Jungwoo slid his fingers between Yukhei’s as they walked out of the apartment to go get breakfast (which had to be Ihop to let Yukhei taste with his own mouth that they still sold pancakes). He held on until his knuckles turned white, as if he would drift off into the void of space if he let go. Jungwoo didn’t want to let go. He wanted to be by Yukhei’s side when the world became a part of the oblivion and the universe ripped itself apart. He wanted to be by Yukhei forever, and when he looked into the younger boy’s eyes, Jungwoo saw that Yukhei felt the same.

“What would you have done if I was actually a clone of you named Lucas?” Yukhei asked.

“What would you do right now if I pulled off a mask and was actually Kun?”

“Please don’t.”

“Maybe I should get a Kun mask made to mess with you.”

“Jungwoo.”

“Remember that one conversation we had when you thought I was Kun?”

“JUNGWOO!”

“Maybe if I gave you the Kun mask we could-” Jungwoo’s words were trapped in his mouth when Yukhei kissed him quiet. He melted into the syrupy sweetness of it.

He loved Wong Yukhei, catfish and all.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! Leave me a comment about what you think <3
> 
> talk to me on [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/_infidele_)!!


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